The Big Picture #2: Wanting to Know the Future

So I recently got into a special academic program at my university. Because of that, I know exactly what classes I'm going to be taking next semester. I have guaranteed spots in my classes for the first time. This is a good thing and a bad thing.

I like the fact that I don't have to struggle to get classes next semester, but I don't like actually knowing what my schedule will look like this early on.

As some of you know, I like to keep everything in my life straight and organized. I don't like forgetting about commitments or losing track of time during big projects. But now that I know my schedule next semester, it's firmly planted on my radar screen, and it's stressing me out.

I often think that the solution to my anxiety about the future is figuring out what it'll look like (such as knowing what classes I'll be taking next semester.) Surely, if I can just know what'll happen to me, I won't be worrying anymore. Surely, if God in His infinite wisdom would just tell me what'll happen, then I could stop worrying.

But if I knew what was going to happen to me in my life, I probably wouldn't want to do it. How much suffering is ahead of me still? How many friends' and family deaths are yet to happen? How many lost jobs, lost opportunities? How many harsh, heart-damaging wounds will I take? How many will I give to others? Others that I love? How many sicknesses, how many cancers will I face before I leave this world?

I don't want to know about those things. I don't want to see my future. Because, as sure as the sun rises in the morning, I would surely focus on the negatives and the pain in my future if I were to see it.

How many joys will I experience? How many people will I get to see put their faith in Christ? How many will I lead there? How much will I get to love my wife? How many times will I get the privilege of sacrificing my desires and rights for her sake? How many times will I get to hang out with my kids at the park on a Saturday afternoon? How much thankfulness will well up in my heart to God on account of the future blessings and faithfulness that He will shower down on me in the future?

My desire to know the future is not the root desire. There is an underlying one, hidden deep in my motives. What I really want is to know that everything will be okay. Knowing the future is just a means to that end, and not a very effective means at that. I would desire to see with my own eyes and determine that everything is okay. But God speaks with words formed from a vision unhindered. Nothing is hidden from His eyes. He has planned amazing things for us, and He tells us to trust Him that it is good; that everything will be okay. Things that I would think are bad He would say are good, and He would be right. Things that I would avoid He would want me to go through.

So if I can take God at His word, I can have complete peace about the future right now. It is God who orchestrates it, it is God who will lead us.

"But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousnes, and all these things will be added to you." -Matthew 6:33