Why I Consistently Get Up Late on School Days
Every morning, my alarm goes off exactly an hour and a half before my first class starts. And every morning, I turn it off and go back to sleep.
Every morning, I'll wake up again about an hour before my first class starts. And every morning, I justify fifteen minutes more sleep.
Every morning, I sit up in my bed forty-five minutes before my first class starts. And every morning, I don't want to get up.
I worry about what I have to do that day. I get frustrated at the fact that I'm not where I want to be in life yet. I stress out about how I'm going to get ready and get to class on time, since I'm now behind.
When the fear of being late overcomes my other worries and stresses (not to mention fatigue), I get out of bed. After I turn on the shower, I'll read some Bible, get on my knees, and pray to God. 95% of the time, I have to just confess my out-of-control worries, desires, and stresses. Then God starts to reset my perspective.
I thank Him for His faithfulness, for His promise to take care of my needs and bless me in the future. I declare that I just want to dwell with Him, know His peace that defies my circumstances, and effectively love people today better than the day before.
But a lot of the time, I still feel... burdened.
Why?
I definitely don't have the full answer of why this happens each morning, but I do have some thoughts about this.
1. I think that I feel burdened much of the time in the morning because, though I trust God to bless me in the future, I don't believe that any of those blessings will come that day. Things of great value tend to take a long time to come. You don't build a house in a day, at least not one you'll actually want to live in. It takes a while. A long while. Some days can feel like nothing more than a holding pattern; just flying around the airport in circles waiting to land (especially if you feel unworthy or unable to land.)(Of course, God does give blessings daily, and joy and peace come later in the day.)
2. I read the Bible EVERY DAY, but I fail to live by the truth of God EVERY DAY. You can read the entire bible and completely miss the point; completely miss God. (John 5:39-40) God is more than just a bunch of characteristics ABOUT Him that we assemble together. It's when we believe that He will actually apply His characteristics in relationship to us that we begin to actually know God. If you remember that God will judge you, but forget His grace for you, you have a distorted, inaccurate picture of God. If I wake up to the knowledge that God will bless me later, but forget that He will walk with me every step of this day, offering love, grace, counsel, joy, peace, hope, a shining sun for my path, beautiful plants to remind me of His blessing, beautiful people to know and love deeper and deeper, and a promise of eternal life; a promise that anything that goes bad that day does not ultimately define me or hinder me, then I walk with blinded eyes and a heavy heart. I walk untruthfully. The truth is there to be had if I would just go after it.
So I will keep setting my alarm to go off an hour and a half before my first class. I will keep getting on my knees before my heavenly Father. I will keep waiting on Him, looking to Him alone for the fulfillment of hope for my future, both the distant future as well as that very day, for God wants to do great, powerful, healing, sin-crushing, despair-erasing, joy-inspiring things in my life (and your life!) each and every day, and to open my eyes (and yours!) to what He has already done in Jesus' death and resurrection. That's what it means to live in light of the Gospel!
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